Hello Self-Sabotage, my old friend...

(Humming the "Sound of Silence" as I look at this blog I created 2.5 months ago that hasn't been touched since...)

Good news everyone: I'm still duking it out with my brain.

As I said in my last post, I created this blog to be a journaling tool to re-discover my inner child. My span between my last blog post and this current one is a stark reminder that I'm still quite adept in self-sabotage. And alas, I have realized that my self-limiting beliefs have stopped me again.

We all have self-limiting beliefs about ourselves. It's kind of part and parcel of being human. But the question is, why? What is the why behind why we self-sabotage? What's the underlying fear?

For me, with writing in particular, it's fear of failure. It's fear of inadequacy. It's really quite non-sensical because everyone is literally an amateur at things they are beginners at. The baffling expectation I have of myself to be an award-winning novelist in my head when I haven't taken the time to write in years is...well, it's silly. The last time I took time to seriously write was during my Master's program. (And let's be honest, it wasn't that serious back then either. I mean, I was living in Rome. The last thing I wanted to be doing in Italy was sitting behind a screen in my apartment. How about zip me around on a Vespa with the wind in my hair, instead?)

But let's dive in again, shall we?

Self-sabotage. Even that name makes me wanna squirm because it's just all. too. real.

I know the root of all self-sabotage is fear. We're afraid of actually getting what we want. Isn't that crazy? Why, though?

I believe, and this is from my own experiences, the reason we're actually terrified to go after what we really want is that we are afraid we can't maintain it. We are afraid we will mess it all up, so why start? We are afraid we don't have what it takes.

So, turning it around, how do you self-sabotage? What limiting beliefs have you internalized?

"I am a failure."

"I don't have what it takes."

"If I had (blank), then I would be happy..."

"I can't trust or rely on anyone."

"Life is a cross."

"I don't know what to do."

Yuck, right? That's a lot of negative self-talk. And we wonder why we feel stuck in certain patterns in life. Okay, let's try to flip the switch on these doom and gloom thoughts.

What if we said this to ourselves instead?

"I am learning, and am proud of myself for trying."

"I am growing in new skills to achieve my goals."

"I am grateful for the present moment and have everything I need."

"I can trust and rely on safe people in my life."

"Life is a gift."

"I see solutions everywhere and will figure it out step by step."

And maybe you're thinking, does happy-clappy self-talk really actually change my outcomes?

Uh yes, actually. Because #science.

We each have a Reticular Activating System (RAS) in our brainstem. Think of it as a coffee filter for your thoughts. When you have a negative thought, it literally filters into your subconscious mind and brews a big pot of SUCK. I'm talking burnt, tar-like gas station coffee.

Now, let's say you decide to put some nice, positive beliefs in that RAS. What happens over a span of say, 66 days (the time it takes to form a habit?) You get a light, frothy, elegant cup of cappuccino. With a dollop of whipped cream.

Try to say these little phrases to yourself (or write them down) and practice this habit of re-directing your negative self-talk. The difference is real.

(You fueling your RAS with burnt folgers)

(You fueling your RAS with premium espresso)

Choose wisely, my friends.

(comment below if you'd done this, and how it's going.)